Before you write your query letter, close your eyes and visualize this.
You’re an agent…or an editor for an indie publisher. You wake up in the morning, and as your feet hit the floor your mind swims with the millions of things you need to do today: managing promotion for your published authors and new authors, editing your new author’s MS, reading a full MS as a blind reader for an editorial team review, attending a morning meeting to discuss logistics concerns of your company related to who knows what, and maybe a half dozen other things. Not to mention that your friends, Ashley and Dan are getting married in two days and you haven’t bought them a gift nor found a dress (or suit). Your mother wants to know when you’re coming for dinner. And, oh yeah, you’ve got an inbox full of queries, and you’ve got to ‘get through them.’
And even as you sit down to devote an hour or so of your time to these queries, you know that in this clutter of emails lies a few select authors and works, which will contribute to the lifeblood of your company. You can’t afford not to sift through this virtual pile. You must unearth, polish, and sell these gems to stay successful.
And…the first query letter looks like it’s 750 words long. Oh boy. The author’s written a synopsis of about 350 words into their email. They’re going on and on about something that seems irrelevant. And, so, like JayZ, you’re on to the next one. (Somebody, bring me back some money please…)
Was that your query the agent or publisher bypassed without even digesting it?
Gosh, I hope not.
But I can tell you, some of my earlier queries fit this profile. I wasn’t thinking about the demands of my ‘customer.’
So, after failing for years to catch the eye of an agent or publisher, I sat down, put on my Marketing hat, and came up with a formula for querying. I didn’t create this by myself. I checked out websites such as queryshark. And I practiced writing brief pitches during #pitmad on Twitter. And a couple of my beta readers helped me think about, and provided examples for, writing enticing pitches. Specifically, Katy Nicholas gave me great advice. And the formula I created out of all this, it worked for me. It can work for you.
First, a couple of rules:
Rule 1: You should almost always aim your query to be 250-290 words, max. You say to yourself, ‘Hey, but I break the rules. My stuff is so interesting…’—Hold up. Go back to the top of this blog and read the first few paragraphs. Think about your prospect as a person with limited time and energy. Do them and yourself a favor and: Keep. Your. Query. Concise. <300.
Rule 2: Check my formula below. Then go back to Rule 1.
Here is the formula that worked for me:
Salutation:
Dear Ms. or Mr. [Surname]:
In this industry, I’ve grown to believe formality, like dressing up, is the best policy. Address the person using their title and surname. (In healthcare market research, my contract day job, where I wear the Clark Kent glasses, we address people by first names. But that’s a different situation. A different vibe.)
Paragraph 1 (Goal word count 35-45):
Paragraph 1 - Sentence 1: Explain what about their agency/publishing house drew them to you. e.g., “you’re interested in witchy stories that push the boundaries…” (of course, you’ll need to do some research for this)
Paragraph 1 - Sentence 2: Introduce your work, giving key details. “I’m pleased to query my [debut?] [Own voice?] [age range, e.g., YA] [genre, e.g., contemporary fantasy] novel, “[Title]” (xx,xxx words). The pitch:”
For example, I wrote: "I'm pleased to query my debut, YA contemporary fantasy novel, "Everyone Leaves This Place" (55,600 words)."
Paragraph 2 (Goal word count 60-70):
I like to italicize or offset this paragraph to show it’s the pitch. In case they missed where I said, “The pitch:” in my first paragraph.
Paragraph 2 - Sentence 1: The lead sentence of your pitch should be something enticing that introduces your main character (MC), maybe using some word play. Also use active voice (do not use “was” or “is”). Try to be clever, but don’t outsmart yourself.
Here’s the first sentence of my pitch: “Eighteen-year-old Eve Salazar undergoes an out-of-body experience.”
Paragraph 2 - Sentences 2-3 or 2-4: In two or three sentences, a)quickly sum up the conflict and b)raise the stakes. Here’s mine: “Gramma Cynthia, a witch, switches bodies with Eve and sticks her in assisted living on three separate weekends. Gramma brews up this temporary remedy to change her granddaughter’s attitude, but it leaves Eve fuming. The real problem though, a mysterious person behind the scenes at Gramma’s residence steals an evil spellbook and tries to destroy Eve’s life.”
Notice the bubble, bubble, toil and trouble, witchy wordplay in these sentences? Phrases such as “Gramma brews” and “leaves Eve fuming” help the synopsis ‘go meta,’ using words with dual meanings to convey the character of my work.
Also important, this four-sentence synopsis is HIGH-LEVEL and concise. It’s essentially like a Twitter pitch.
Another good rule: Don’t introduce more than two characters by name in the synopsis. I introduce Eve and Gramma Cynthia by name. That’s all.
Paragraph 3 (Goal word count=80-100):
In 3-4 sentences, give some comps (comparative titles, books and/or films) and set the tone. Say something about your character’s arc—how they change across the story. Offer up anything else of interest. Here’s mine, which I split into two, short paragraphs (see, I broke my own rule):
"Freaky Friday" meets "The Skeleton Key," this novel tells a story of teenage angst, dark magic, and betrayal, set against a romantic backdrop in which Eve falls in love with a guy she initially finds annoying. The story also includes an LGBTQ romantic element, aligning with a theme about the hidden battles most of us wage.
Eve—irreverently funny, wild in spirit, and good at heart—learns deep truths about the fragile, time-bound nature of relationships. Given the emotional resonance of the material, if a teenage girl hugs her mother after reading this story, I will consider my novel successful.
A few things about these paragraphs. I use the ‘rule of three’ in describing the tone of the book: ‘teenage angst, dark magic, and betrayal’ represent a triad of intriguing elements. I set up my MC and describe her arc. I solidify the tone of the story as edgy yet warm-hearted, while also describing the audience for the story (teenage girls/young women) by talking about my purpose for writing the novel. Ask yourself: What’s the purpose of your novel?
Paragraph 4 (Goal word count = 75):
In 5-7 sentences, 75 words or less, provide your bio. Keep it relevant. It helps to have published something--a short story, etc.--to give some credibility. It’s better to come out of next to nowhere (published, even in an online journal) than to come out of nowhere. Here’s mine: “I am a husband, father, writer, and market researcher by day. I spent most of my childhood years in South Florida. As an undergraduate, I studied Creative Writing at the University of Miami. In 1994, I earned a graduate degree in Social Psychology from Temple University in Philadelphia, PA. I reside near Doylestown, PA with my wife and daughter (18). My son (20) attends xxx. My science-fiction short story, “Accumulation” is published in Eunoia Review.
Last paragraph: “Thank you for your consideration.”
My queries generally ran 280-290 words, which is a little long. But they worked.
As I’ve mentioned in prior posts, I limited myself to sending 1-2 queries a day, usually 1 query per day. I focused on all the specifications the agent or publisher set up. I printed out specs and checked them off as a final proof. I checked for font/size consistency between my letter and any pages or synopsis included after the letter.
Also, remember, if your query works, you’ll need some other stuff in your hip pocket. This includes, but is not limited to: a)a 500-word synopsis, b)a chapter-by-chapter summary (2-3 sentences per chapter), c)a one-sentence pitch, d)actual titles and authors of comp books published in the last five years, and e)your polished full MS.
Any questions. Let me know on Twitter. https://twitter.com/rshifman
Happy Writing!
R.B.
